Lately I have felt like I have no time. I work three days a week: less than most people, but still a big step up from 8 months of happy unemployment. I do yoga twice a week - it helps me deal with doing everything else. I invite people over to my house once a week to cook, learn to cook, and to eat & drink. I usually spend the whole day preparing for that night, so I've arranged my work schedule around it. It's the most important thing I do aside from being able to pay my bills. I also just started rock climbing, which is shaping up to take up 2 blocks per week. I go out drinking Thursday nights, to therapy on Friday afternoons, and to the farm on Sundays. I'm not biking or swimming as much as I want to.
For a busy person like Jee, my week would seem candy. I however, am a daydreamer and a slacker. Earlier in the year I was aggressively (for me) pursuing organizing my thoughts and writing. Now I'm playing with the limits and flexibility of my body, organizing it for phantom future pressures, and more especially, making it behave commensurate with how I think of it. Dissatisfied with thinking that my "inner self" is some certain way and that my visible self will catch up eventually, I've been pushing myself to do some things that I think are "things I would like," to be more like my image of myself. It's hard to explain - I wrote a funny post about it last year, and I talked about it in therapy last week.
So I'm sacrificing one avenue of "being myself" for another. It feels a little unbalanced - I go out with friends and have very little to talk about because I'm not nurturing my brain. On the side, during that time when I'm failing to respond to anyone's emails or instant messages, I'm trying to get a real-job, and I really wonder how I'm going to fit in 40 hours with all my playful exploration.